Navigating Grief: Balancing Busyness and Stillness

Grief touches every part of our lives. It can feel heavy, confusing, and at times unbearable. Many people wonder: “Is it better to keep busy so I don’t have to think about it?” This is a very natural question. When emotions feel overwhelming, it’s human to look for ways to protect ourselves.

While keeping busy can sometimes help, it’s important to ask whether staying constantly occupied gives us the space we need to truly heal.

Why We Turn to Busyness in Grief

When someone we love dies, or when we experience another significant loss, life feels unfamiliar and painful. Grief may show up as sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, or even a sense of numbness. None of these emotions are easy to sit with.

Busyness can feel like a solution because it:

• Distracts us from pain – Tasks, work, and chores give our minds something else to focus on.

• Offers a sense of control – When life feels chaotic, routines bring order.

• Protects us from overwhelm – Doing rather than feeling can act as a shield until we’re ready to process the emotions.

  
  

It makes perfect sense that many people lean on activity in the early days of grief. Sometimes it’s even necessary; arrangements need to be made, responsibilities don’t pause, and life seems to demand movement.

The Helpful Side of Keeping Busy

Keeping busy is not all negative. In fact, it can be an important coping tool when used gently and with balance.

• Structure and stability: Simple routines, like waking up at the same time, preparing meals, or going for a walk, can provide grounding when the world feels unsteady.

• Short breaks from emotion: Moments of distraction can prevent us from being completely overwhelmed. Watching a film, gardening, or tidying a room might give just enough distance to catch our breath.

• Sense of purpose: Activities, hobbies, or helping others can remind us that we are still here, still living, and still capable of finding meaning.

  
  

For some, these activities act as stepping stones, making grief feel less paralyzing.

The Risk of Relying on Busyness Alone

The difficulty comes when busyness becomes the only way we cope. If we continually avoid our grief, the emotions we’re trying to push aside don’t go away; they tend to surface later in different ways.

This might look like:

• Physical signs, such as tension, headaches, or exhaustion.

• Emotional numbness or irritability that lingers.

• Feeling stuck, as if healing never fully begins.

  
  

Grief that is not acknowledged can weigh heavily in the background of our lives. While keeping busy can soften the edges of pain, it cannot replace the important process of allowing ourselves to grieve.

Finding a Healthy Balance

The most supportive approach often lies somewhere in the middle: honouring both activity and stillness.

• Allow moments of feeling: Give yourself permission to cry, reflect, write in a journal, or sit quietly with your thoughts. This helps the grief move through you rather than stay locked inside.

• Choose nourishing activity: Seek out tasks that support you, like gentle walks, creative hobbies, or spending time with loved ones, rather than activities that only serve as distraction.

• Alternate between the two: Some days you may need busyness; other days you may need rest. Both are valid. Try listening to what feels right for you in each moment.

  
  

Gentle Coping Strategies for Grief

If you’re wondering how to balance busyness with feeling, here are some gentle strategies you might find helpful:

• Journaling: Write down your thoughts, memories, or emotions. This gives grief a safe outlet.

• Creative expression: Painting, music, or crafting can help you process emotions in ways words can’t always capture.

• Movement: Gentle walks, yoga, or stretching can release tension and bring a sense of calm.

• Nature time: Being outdoors, even for a few minutes, can ease feelings of heaviness and remind you of life’s natural cycles.

• Memory rituals: Lighting a candle, creating a memory box, or looking at photos can honour your loved one while giving space for your feelings.

• Connection: Talking with trusted friends, joining a support group, or speaking to a counsellor can remind you that you don’t have to carry this alone.

• Rest: Allow yourself moments of stillness and self-care without pressure to be productive. Rest is part of healing.

  
  

Compassion for Yourself in Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no timeline you need to follow. Keeping busy can be part of your coping, but it’s not a substitute for giving space to your feelings. Grief is not something to outrun; it’s something we learn to live alongside, step by step.

What matters most is treating yourself gently. If you find that keeping busy helps, that’s okay. If you find that quiet moments bring comfort, that’s okay too. Often, healing comes from allowing a mixture of both.

Embracing the Journey of Grief

As we navigate through grief, it’s essential to remember that this journey is unique for each of us. It’s okay to feel lost at times. The important thing is to acknowledge where you are and to be kind to yourself in the process.

Sometimes, we may feel the urge to rush through our grief. We might think that keeping busy will help us heal faster. However, it’s crucial to understand that healing takes time. Embracing our emotions, even the painful ones, is part of the journey.

Final Thoughts

If you’re grieving right now, know that it’s normal to want relief from the pain. Busyness can play a role in coping, but giving yourself permission to feel is just as important. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and learning how to carry it takes time, patience, and compassion.

You do not need to face it all at once, and you do not need to face it alone. Reaching out for support, from friends, family, or a counsellor, can help you find the balance that works for you.

Remember, it's okay to seek help. You deserve support as you navigate this challenging time.