What Happens If I Tell My Counsellor I'm Having Suicidal Thoughts?
“What happens if I tell my counsellor I'm suicidal?”
If you've been having suicidal thoughts, you may have wondered whether you should tell your counsellor.
Perhaps you're worried that they'll panic. Maybe you're frightened they'll contact someone without your permission, send you to hospital, break your confidentiality or decide that you're too much to deal with.
You might even be thinking:
“If I tell them, will everything suddenly become much more serious?”
These fears can make it incredibly difficult to talk openly about what's really going on.
But you don't have to hide suicidal thoughts from your counsellor because you're afraid of what might happen if you tell them.
Your counsellor won't be shocked
Counsellors understand that people sometimes experience thoughts about death, dying or suicide when they're struggling emotionally.
Your counsellor's role isn't to judge you or tell you that you shouldn't be feeling this way.
Instead, they'll want to understand what's happening for you.
They may gently ask questions such as:
Are you thinking about ending your life?
How often are you having these thoughts?
How long have you been feeling this way?
Do you feel you might act on the thoughts?
Have you thought about how you might do it?
Have you experienced thoughts like this before?
What helps you get through the difficult moments?
Who or what helps you feel safer?
These questions are there to help your counsellor understand what you're experiencing and how best to support you.
Talking about suicide doesn't put the idea into your head. It gives you an opportunity to talk about something that may have felt frightening, overwhelming or impossible to share with anyone else.
What if I don't actually want to die?
Suicidal thoughts don't always mean that someone has made a decision to die.
Sometimes a person may feel that they don't want to be alive because the emotional pain they're experiencing feels unbearable.
They may desperately want the pain, circumstances or thoughts to stop rather than wanting their life to end.
For someone else, there may be more specific thoughts about ending their life.
This is one of the reasons it's important to tell your counsellor what's happening rather than feeling that you have to work it out on your own.
You might say:
“I don't think I would act on these thoughts, but sometimes I wish I wasn't here.”
Or:
“Sometimes I think about suicide, but I don't have a plan.”
You don't have to wait until you're at immediate risk before talking about suicidal thoughts.
Will my counsellor break confidentiality?
This is often one of the biggest concerns people have.
Counselling is confidential, but there are limits to confidentiality. Your counsellor should explain these when you begin counselling so that you understand when information might need to be shared.
Having suicidal thoughts doesn't automatically mean your counsellor will break confidentiality.
Your counsellor will want to understand the situation and consider how immediate or serious the risk may be.
Where possible, they will talk this through with you and involve you in decisions about what happens next.
However, if there is a serious and immediate concern about your safety, your counsellor may need to involve other professionals or emergency services.
This isn't about getting you into trouble.
It's about trying to keep you safe.
What might happen during your counselling session?
If you tell your counsellor you're having suicidal thoughts, the conversation may initially focus on understanding what's happening for you.
Together, you might explore:
what has led you to feel this way
how frequently the thoughts occur
whether anything makes them stronger or less intense
whether you have thoughts about acting on them
what has helped you cope in the past
people you can turn to for support
reasons for staying alive
ways of keeping yourself safer when things become overwhelming
whether additional support from other services might be helpful
Your counsellor isn't there to take control of your life.
They are there to listen, understand and work collaboratively with you, while taking your safety seriously.
You don't have to wait until you're in crisis
You might think:
“I'm not suicidal enough to tell my counsellor.”
Or:
“Other people have it worse than me.”
Or:
“I'll tell them if it gets any worse.”
Please don't assume that you have to reach a particular level of crisis before your thoughts are important enough to talk about.
If you're experiencing thoughts about suicide, they're worth talking about.
Sharing them earlier may give you and your counsellor an opportunity to understand what's happening and consider what support might help before things become more overwhelming.
What if I'm frightened my counsellor will think differently of me?
You may be worried that your counsellor will see you differently once they know.
Perhaps you've spent a lot of time trying to appear as though you're coping.
Maybe you're worried they'll think you're weak, attention-seeking, dramatic or difficult.
Having suicidal thoughts doesn't make you any of those things.
It means you're struggling.
And struggling is exactly the sort of thing you should be able to bring into counselling.
You don't need to protect your counsellor from hearing how difficult things feel.
You don't need to apologise for your thoughts.
And you don't need to find the perfect words.
What can I say to my counsellor?
Sometimes the hardest part is knowing how to begin.
You could simply say:
“There's something I've been scared to tell you.”
Or:
“I've been having thoughts about not wanting to be alive.”
Or:
“I've been thinking about suicide and I don't know how to talk about it.”
You could even say:
“I'm frightened about what will happen if I tell you.”
That's enough to start a conversation.
You don't have to explain everything perfectly.
Your counsellor can help you take it from there.
You won't be “in trouble”
If you're having suicidal thoughts, you aren't in trouble.
You don't need to feel ashamed.
You don't need to apologise.
And you don't need to struggle alone because you're worried about what might happen if you ask for help.
A compassionate counsellor will want to understand what you're experiencing and support you as safely and appropriately as possible.
Sometimes the things we're most frightened to say are the things we most need to be able to talk about.
If you've been thinking about telling your counsellor...
Maybe you've been sitting in your counselling sessions thinking:
“I really need to tell them, but I can't.”
If that's you, perhaps consider telling your counsellor at your next session.
You could even show them this blog post and say:
“This is what I've been trying to tell you.”
You don't have to find the perfect words.
You just have to take the first step.
If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts right now
If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts, please don't feel that you have to manage them alone.
If you feel you may act on your thoughts or you're unable to keep yourself safe, seek urgent help.
In the UK:
Call 999 or go to A&E if you are in immediate danger.
Call NHS 111 and select the mental health option for urgent mental health support.
Call Samaritans on 116 123 — free, 24 hours a day.
If you already have support from a mental health service, you can also contact them using the arrangements they have provided.
And if you're not at immediate risk but you've been thinking about suicide, please consider telling someone you trust and talking to a healthcare professional or counsellor.
You deserve support, even when part of you feels that you don't.
Talking about suicide doesn't make you a burden. Sometimes, saying the words out loud can be the beginning of getting the support you need.
How Sakaura Pathways Counselling can help
If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, you don't have to have everything figured out before reaching out for counselling.
Counselling can provide a confidential, non-judgemental space to talk about what's happening for you and explore the thoughts, feelings and circumstances that may be contributing to how you're feeling.
At Sakaura Pathways Counselling, I offer a warm, collaborative and person-centred approach, working with you at a pace that feels manageable.
If you're considering counselling but aren't sure whether it's right for you, you're welcome to get in touch for an informal, no-pressure conversation about what you're experiencing and what support you might be looking for.
Feeling suicidal is a very isolating anf lonely place to be, you don't have to struggle on your own.
Other sources of support:
Comments